Please serious answers only! How can I find a church?

Well lets see how I can help... If you dont believe the Bible matters, Christianity may not be for you (that goes for the Christmas greetings too). The liberal ideas could be Christian tho, the Episcopals recently ordained a gay person. I am Catholic and we believe that God could have created the big band etc. But of course we are "for the bible" and Merry Christmas and not really liberal in your sense. But it sounds like you may be more for Eastern religions. Try googling "eastern religions" and see what you get. But the best way to find a place you fit in is to make a list of the churches / temples / etc in your area and visit each one. Talk to the people and see what they say. Good luck!